Crybaby Kanye

Taylor Swift makes Kanye West sad in his pants.

*Sigh* You finally got me. I'm finally talking about some drama in the idiotic world of pop-

"Yo, Mike! I'm real happy for you an' all, and Imma let you finish, but Todd In The Shadows is one of the the best music critics OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!"

Yes, on the 24th November 2010 at 1am, to the surprise of absolutely no-one, Kanye West during one of his gigs for his latest album went on a tirade on Taylor Swift saying that:

"Taylor never came to my defense in any interview, and rode the waves and rode it and rode it."

Oh, and for those who'd predictably argue for the context of which Kanye said in his little rant (as if that's somehow relevant considering the person we're talking about here) Here's the rant in full:

"And now we are mere surfaces of the energy they are projecting on us. Everybody needs a villain, don’t we? We need to blame someone at all times. For me to be considered a racist for stating a blatant truth, an obvious truth, but the nuances of my words, because I am very particular with my words, and the emotion I felt at that time wasn’t worded exactly right — but everybody came and said ‘Oh my God!” — I’m talking about five years ago, not a year ago, I’m talking about five years ago, I’m talking about Katrina — and everybody said, “Oh my God, Kanye, I love you so much, I hated you until you said that. But now I see you’re speaking for me. I always thought you were an asshole but now you said something that represents me, but the whole time, whole time I’m thinking in my mind I was thinking that’s not exactly what I wanted to say, I was emotional, that was not exactly the way I wanted to say, I was emotional, that was not exactly the way I wanted to word it, but I wrote it, I rode it, just as Taylor never came to my defense in any interview, and rode the waves and rode it and rode it, that’s the way I rode the waves of the Bush comment. I rode it. It’s not about popular opinion. It’s about when you look in your heart, and know what’s right and what’s wrong. When you look in your heart, look at what the media did, look at how they exploited him, they said that he said it was his lowest moment and as a mass, as America, we took that as a fact, and if you look at the interview he said that was one of his lowest moments and he said it about ten different things! But because the popularity of me, they exploited that, to make you watch the interview and make you feel that he was stupider than ever, to think that a rapper’s comment could be his lowest moment. That’s not what he fucking said! That’s not what he fucking said! That’s not what he said! He said it was one of his lowest moments. But it shows you — the way they try to villainize, the way they tried to do that. Everything would have been okay, if they hadn’t played the audio that day …"

 Oh, and a video link to it too...

That's right, the guy who made "Stronger", and who gave a significant portion of his latest album addressing his perceived haters has attacked someone over something that happened a year ago, and was entirely his own fault. I suppose I shouldn't expect anything less from the man who in his own words, couldn't be gotten to shut up even if his jaw was wired shut.

Because Kanye has went through extraordinary lengths to make sure he's heard, I feel that he deserves my special attention, far more than any pop-star idiot, let alone rap retard who sure as hell ain't worth me putting a post about them. Even hearing five minutes of Ed Lover saying "C'mon, son!" as he calls him out on his bullshit isn't nearly enough for those two stupid attacks on Taylor Swift alone.

"C'mon son! You know that what you said there was bullshit. You know that lil' white girl don't owe you no defence for ruining her big moment like dat! C'mon son!"

 

No, he deserves a unique treatment from someone who is eternally embarrassed to have ever considered him to be his favourite rapper, owning him in what would take up four A4 pages. Kanye deserves the "Michael the Angel Low Down".

So Mr. West is upset that Ms. Swift is popular after the 2009 VMAs? Aww, poor Kanye. He just discovered that controversy sells. I'm going to ignore the fact that Taylor Swift's eponymous album went quadruple platinum and her next album, Fearless went quintuple platinum before that incident for the time being, and I'll make two points on her "riding on Kanye's drama" or whatever.

If Ms. Swift is reading this (And it's likely she's not), then I apologise for not knowing who she is prior to that incident. This is because firstly, I don't live in the United States and I don't listen to country music, although to this day I still don't listen to your music. Sorry, I just don't listen to country music. However, if I did I'd be fully aware of who you are. Back to the point, the award Swift received at the 2009 Video Music Awards was "Best Female Video" which would suggest that a lot of people liked her music video, and is therefore popular. I'm sure Mr. West realised this, and was oh-so curtaeous enough to snatch the microphone off her and inform the audience and, by extension, millions of viewers watching, that he felt Beyonce's video was better, and implying that Swift was an unworthy recipient of that award.

Secondly, Even if Swift is guilty of the heinous crime *gasp* using the controversy to gain popularity, I find it ironic that Kanye West of all people, expresses disgust at this. His latest album has him taking shots at those who were audacious enough to make fun of the Louis Vuitton Don (which is of course, himself) in the past year, some of them related to that particular incident. Those that West included, but not limited to: the cast of Saturday Night Live, the writers of South Park (for having the characters call him a "gay fish". Kanye's response in "Gorgeous" was admitted pretty funny), and Barack Obama (Obama called West "a jackass". In my view, it was well deserved). While this isn't exactly the same as what Kanye is accusing Swift of doing, it would still indicate that if anyone were horrible enough to ruin Mr. West's big moment, for no reason at all other to be a jerk with an unwarranted sense of self-importance, Kanye would milk it for all its worth unhesitatingly. He would ride the waves of controversy like he was taking part in a Guinness advert.

Then there's the "Taylor Swift" never came to my defence" whinge. Aww. Did dat mean Taylor Sift girl laev u to get teazid by da awful media, Lil' Yeezy? Grow the fuck up. You're acting like someone whose testicles hasn't dropped yet. Why should Swift defend you in your Crowning Moment of Jackassery? You act like she somehow owes her support after you, like the drunken douchebag you often are, snatched the mike off her to give your opinion of her video compared to Beyonce's (Even Queen B was not amused).

No, not that Queen B!

That Queen B!

Maybe in Your Dark, Twisted Fantasy World, where colleges are filled with anthropomorphic, wide-eyed bears, and people type in ALL CAPS on their computers, as they worship His Royal Flyness, God's Second Son, The Louis Vuitton Don, and Nobel Laureate Winner, Kanye I, yourself. In which you can humiliate any shy teenager and inform the adoring public, espousing your unchallenged opinion on which artist's production was better, to massive applause save for the occasional heathenish "hater", to which the shy teenager can protect with her body, the acidic "haterade" from hitting Kanye I, as she bows on her knees and says "I am not worthy to be within 10 feet of your presence, or receive such merciful judgment, Your Flyness", to which you reply, "You can call me Young Yeezy", as she's later drafted to the Battalion of Beautiful Women, with you, Kanye I, contemplating the beauty of all you survey while resting on your laurels. Perhaps in that Dark, Twisted Fantasy World of yours, Kanye, people who are humiliated by you have to defend you, whern you take criticism for being a tactless, loud-mouthed, arsehole, but that's not the way things work around here in the real world.

And this is what pisses me off about many people, let alone Kanye, in that they feel that others are somehow obligated to defend their from often legitimate criticism from their less-than-stellar actions, even if they are the offended party. Just because it's a nice thing to do. Newsflash! Such gestures of kindness are supposed to be earned, not given out for free. And a sympathy leech like Kanye West has proven himself to be truly unworthy.  At least Swift was kind and mature enough to accept your apology, Kanye (which was likely insincere, given the latest drama). You should consider yourself quite fortunate that she wasn't the type of country singer who would inform the crazier members of her family of her public violation of her honour, who would then form a group of drunken compatriots as they head off on a zealous campaign to find the guy who offended their sweetie-pee, and cut his testicles off and use them as ping-pong balls! Don't care how ghetto you think you are Kanye, but those guys in the Bible Belt don't play.

Oh, and Kanye would like us know that like him, George W. Bush was misquoted, and therefore earns his sympathy. Regardless of whether the former president said that a rapper's opinion of him on live TV was his worst moment or one of his worst moments is , at least to me, an irrelevant pandering over semantics. While I'd agree with Kanye that it's technically not what he said and therefore the conclusions should be drawn from his actual quotes, but it still says a lot when Dubya considers anywhere close who the nadir of his career; to be a vocal, ill-informed attention whore on possibly a similar reading level as he is, suggesting that the reaction to Hurricane Katrina was intentional and racist as opposed to an outstanding level of government incompetence concerning providing aid to some of the poorest citizens of the country; instead of he should imagine what was the nadir of his career such as: the Iraq War, The PATRIOT Act, even the Google bomb linking the search of the words "miserable failure" to with his profile page of his presidential website. So no, Kanye. I still think he's an idiot regardless of that one instance alone, as there is plenty of evidence supporting this. And I can see why you defended him, as judging from that almost non-sequitur rant I took that from, and...some other article, It's possible that you and Dubya have a lot in common. And again no, Kanye. Those of us that like reading wouldn't consider the words you used in that same Hurricane Katrina appeal, especially that bit when you said "George Bush doesn't care about black people" to be nuanced in any sense of the word. Indeed, I'm not sure if you even know what the word "nuance" means, but I stand to be corrected.

In summary, I'm truly astounded that even after that incredibly humbling experience from last year, Kanye has elected to attack the same person which led to the very fallout which made his idiocy and douchebaggery legendary throughout the internets. 

This one is easily my favourite.

The drunken display of dickheadedness which was only surpassed by Mel Gibson earlier this year, hasn't had any bearings to how Kanye expresses himself in public, and it seems he hasn't learnt any significant lessons. But from the the words of the legendary folk thinker Forrest Gump: "Stupid is as stupid does". If anything, I would've at least hoped that if the President of the United States Barack Obama, who is black and from Chicago (not to make too much of a point of it, but Kanye acts like he's a spokesperson for both, especially in the case of injustices, real and perceived alike), calls you a "jackass", that it might spark an incentive to be a better American. Alas, this was too much for Kanye, and he instead referred to himself as "the abomination of Obama's nation", as if that's somehow supposed to be a scathing and legitimate attack on the Obama Administration.

It is perhaps a shame that Mr. West will probably never read any of this. Has too many big words, and in hindsight, I should've written this in ALL CAPS if I wanted a response.

However, in the event of a miracle actually getting wind of this, I want him to know that I simply because I'm not one of the sycophantic mental midgets he call his "fans" (And BTW, I'm not calling any Kanye West fan a "mental midget", just the loudest and rabid of them), that I'm a "hater". Indeed, I haven't actually told him to shut up, and I have no objections to him making as much money as he can without any complaint from me...save from when the song he makes is especially shit, of course (P.S. Congrats on the success of your latest album). In fact, there is some good that came out of this. Because you insist in making unmitigated and often pointless rants, usually without a serious comeuppance, I want to focus the 29th of each month, to be focused on your antics, particularly the ones I feel you haven't been satisfactory humbled for. Don't worry, I'll talk about the more since your career on occasion, but Kanye, while I'm not a "hater", I am in every sense of the word, a critic. Be proud. I spent the equivalent for four pages on your arse. Lindsay Lohan would get a paragraph (and I really hate Lindsay Lohan). You got the attention you so desired, and I heard you loud and (kinda) clear. And Kanye, don't be sad, that a young woman making money won't pay attention to you, because I will.