Fred Has A Movie

Two weeks ago, I was rather shocked when I saw on the bus that a new movie was coming out of an utterly worthless person who is more or less, famous for being a fucking idiot. No, it's not about Kim Kardashian, nor a Jane Goody biopic (although I'd be more comfortable learning about that being made, than this piece of crap). It's a movie about Fred. Fred Durst? Fred Flintstone? Try Fred Figglehorn.

For those of you who don't know who Fred Figglehorn is, you've either never used YouTube in your life, or have not done so prior to 2009. And if this doesn't tell you all you need to know about Fred Figglehorn, then my sincerest apologies for this in advance:



That video at the time of posting this has 5.6 million views. And to emphasize that this is not just a one-off, I present to you this (My sincerest apologies):



In fact, it is videos such as this that had made Fred, the first person to receive a million subscribers, ultimately resting at (as of posting this article) the fourth most subscribed YouTube user of all time, boasting over two million subscribers, 105 million channel views and 667 million video views. If anything, this says more about the sort of people that YouTube is mostly populated with (read: pubescent fangirls and idiots).

There are those who have struggled to describe who or what exactly Fred is, so they accept the official term that he is "a six-year old with a dysfunctional home life and anger management issues". In actuality, the horrible truth is that he is an obnoxious teenager with the mental age of a six-year old, produced through an incestuous relationship between his mother/sister and his father, with a squeaky super-sped squeaky voice who vents his attention defiency onto YouTube. As such, the various aspects of his "life" are given encouragement by pre-teen morons with comments like "OMG! Fred's so funny!" or "I ♥ Fred!" or such nonsense. Worse, out of all the feminine-looking boys I've seen on that website, this guy looks like a parody Bishonen character. He looks like a mix between the main character of Eragon and Fogell from Superbad. In any case, Fred Figglehorn is a hideous character in every sense of the word. He's an awful character. He's also totally weird-looking, and that's before he does that weird thing with his face. And it's these factors that make it hard to even think of a Fred video without feeling physically sick. In fact, it was enough of a struggle to make this post.

 

I still don't understand how anyone watches this mistake of humanity, let alone make a feature film of him.

So I was amazed to see that a film was being made of this horrible creature. In fact, I'll give you a list of hypothetical films of YouTubers past and present, I would've excepted to have been released and would've been watched by me before I even get to Fred:

(I do not necessarily like all of the YouTubers on this list, but I certainly like them more than Fred)

(Oh, and if I don't list a movie title next to the name, then it means that's I think the title should be called)

lonelygirl15 (A Lonely Girl)
itschriscrocker (Leave Britney Alone!: Diary of a Britney Spears Fangirl)
sxephil (Sexy Phil)
LisaNova
Charliescocoollike
ThatGreyBloke
TheAmazingAtheist (Who knows? That might be in the process right now, since his idiot friend SaturnineFilms aka Cody Weber is "an aspiring filmmaker")
DontJealousMe (Don't Jealous Me!)
Hotforwords
ShaneDawsonTV (Shane Dawson Movie)
HappyCabbie
EdwardCurrent (Edward Current: Defender of the Cross!)
VenomFangX (VFX: The Rise and Fall, A Christian Canuck, A Boy Named Shawn, Jimmy Swaggart Jr., Immoral Orel, How to Rip Off Sick Children)
mrevilution777 (Mr. Toad)
MrStripyHead
NewNuma (Numa Numa Kid)
kidrauhl (Justin Bieber: The Movie. Bet ya never expected that, did ya?)
TonyZonday (Chocolate Rain)
blamesocietyfilms (Chad Vader: The Movie)
RayWilliamJohnson (YouTube Movie. Produced by Seltzer and Freidberg, of course)

You get the idea?

Incidentally, Fred's popularity at one point got him interviewed by CNN in which to explain what it is about Fred that makes him popular. Fred, or rather Lucas Craikshank, was far more articulate than his YouTube persona (perhaps because of medication) and explained in full the origins of Fred and his appeal. After watching this, I was rather shocked to discover how Fred came about:



1. Boredom.
2. Video camera nearby.
3. The existence of the website, YouTube.
4. The rest, as they say, is history.



He basically did what any teenager would do, and managed to strike out lucky by making a complete twat of himself for the camera.

And the saddest part about all of this? John Cena plays Fred's dad. I suppose that convinces wrestling fans as to what they suspected all along.: John Cena constantly demands attention.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen...

 

Now attention whoring isn't bad in itself. I mean, pretty good and worthwhile videos have come out of it, and there's no way people would bother to make videos about themselves if they didn't want the world to see. It's just a bit shocking that characters like Fred not only represents the interests with a significant audience, but it's enough to make a film due to this. I mean, Lucas is listed as a "comedian" on his YouTube and Wikipedia page when nothing he had ever created as Fred was funny. In fact, some of it came as rather creepy and disturbing.

 

This is a comedian.

This is an example of a comedian playing a funny character.

This is a comedian who usually plays annoying characters.

 

This is an example of a kid who acts like a mentally handicapped person on the Internet...and is annoying.

 But then it hit me. And when it did, I longer considered Fred to be poisonous to the future of comedy, or even YouTube comedy. Craikshank said that he created Fred out of boredom. In other words, he probably didn't put a lot of thought into creating this horrid character. And yet, he has 2 million subscribers because his audience loves watching high-pitched dipshits, in whatever "life" he showcases. He also claims that he "parodies other people on YouTube that want to be popular" by playing a frustrated, hyperactive manchild. If this is anything to go by, Craikshank very well  may be one of the greatest parodists of them all.

Not only has he caught the attention of the pool of mental goldfish who go on YouTube, but a movie has been made out of it. And regardless of whether or not it is crap (and judging by the IMDb reviews it is), which person who started out on YouTube can honestly say that a film has been made of them? Certainly not anyone on my list. And with that, I've gotta give him his props for that. He got a film for being creatively lazy, but figuring this would still be enough to get him lots of views on YouTube...and he was right! And with that, this makes the backlash against such a piece of shit character irrelevant. Because to honestly say you hate Fred, and give his videos thumbs down (that's what they do these days on YouTube videos), you have to watch videos of Fred. All of this gives Fred attention. Therefore with the Fred movie, it's exactly the same principle, on a grander scale. So it doesn't matter if Fred gets a deluge of bad reviews by critics, because they had to watch his film to review it in the first place (At least in the U.S., it went direct-to-DVD and shown on Nickolodeon, mercifully spared from the big screen. The British would not be so lucky...). Craikshank simply doesn't care. It's all about the attention. The cash made from it is a fucking bonus. The only ones who may come out looking bad is those who paid to watch it, and hated it. And probably those who took part in the film, in particular, John Cena. Not so much, Pixie Lott.

If I do even find the stomach to watch the Fred movie (Online, of course. Not paying for that when I've already seen enough of him on YouTube for free), I won't even bother to give it a lengthy review give this article, which is more about amazement as to how it is Fred became so popular in the first place that he warranted a movie. Still, Lucas is not sure if he gets bored of Fred and decides to something better, what would become of the character. Although there has been an interesting glimpse of what may become of Fred in the next two decades:



Thank you for reading.