I've been trying to avoid making too many posts about religion, as evidenced in my last post and the fact I took a bit of a break from posting any thing. However, it seems to come with the territory when you come from a family of Fundamentalist Christians. And I accept as a form of consolidation, that I did actually put whatever interest I had in religion to good use, such as in my A-Levels. This is going to be the first in a two-parter which I hope to finish today. They will revolve around the claim that serious events of concern to the world, and also lesser ones are allegedly responded to with God's wrath, particularly if they make boastful claims challenging the authority of God,; some of God's masterful gambits for retribution up to even decades or centuries. I don't know whether to be amused or disturbed every time I hear this rhetoric. The funny thing is, all this suggests is that the Abrahamic God is not completely beyond humanity as commonly claimed, and is rather anthropomorphic.
Several months ago, I received a typically evangelist message about the consequences of tempting fate, sorry, God-goading and basically rejecting the religion who can presumably only find the true God in. It read as follows:
DID YOU KNOW THESE FACTS?
I SURE DIDNT TILL NOW
Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death!
Make a personal reflection about this.....
Very interesting, read until the end.....
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):
'Be not deceived; God is not mocked:
for whatsoever a man sow, that shall he also reap.
Here are some men and women who mocked God :
John Lennon (Singer):
Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said:
'Christianity will end, it will disappear.
I do not have to argue about that. I am certain.
Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him' (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.
Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil ):
During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency.
Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.
Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet):
During A show in Canecio ( Rio de Janeiro ),
while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:'God, that's for you.'
He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.
The man who built the Titanic,
After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be.
With an ironic tone he said:
'Not even God can sink it'
The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic
Marilyn Monroe (Actress)
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show.
He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.
After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said:
'I don't need your Jesus'.
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment
Bon Scott (Singer)
The ex-vocalist of AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:
'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'.
On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.
Campinas (IN 2005)
In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend.....
The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car:
'My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.'
She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here.....It's Already Full '
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died,
the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact.
The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken
Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer)
said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.
In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.
Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.
Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.
'Jesus'
You are my 8 in 8 seconds. I am not breaking this. No way!
I'M TOLD THIS WORKS!!!!! Bishop T.D. Jakes '8 Second Prayer.' Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!!
'Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen.'
Funny thing is, I was actually aware of quite a few of the examples there. Such as the John Lennon one (of course) and the Marilyn Monroe one. I can only speculate this was meant to purport the idea that not even the famous are beyond God's judgment. Now, because I consider the person who sent this a friend (although I do think he may have received this from another e-mail), I didn't give a typically sarcastic godless response to each and every one of those points...which I'll do now. What I did, instead was arguably worse. I replied how much the message meant (but didn't let on that I thought it was actually an utterly pointless thing to send, and only reinforces the beliefs of those who share yours), before giving him the links to a documentary I discovered called
Marjoe, the story of a child evangelical preacher, who upon growing up and getting involved with the hippie movement in the late 1960s, returns to his former role as an evangelical preacher when he's short on cash...only to expose the tricks of the trade. I actually laughed throughout watching the film, escepially at the fact that he talks to his fellow preachers as if they're on a similar level, when his actul view of them to his personal friends isn't particularly high, and rather condescending. My friend was actually...less than pleased he watched the film. I mean, I couldn't blame him. The guy was an obvious douche; manipulative and selfish. Although, considering where he was and what he was doing, I found it understandable, perhaps even acceptable. But I digress...
So yes, Allow me to post this again, and pretty much dissect every point on that e-mail. Now,...AGAIN!:
DID YOU KNOW THESE FACTS?
I SURE DIDNT TILL NOW
Well, to be honest, I kinda did...
Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death!
Yeah, so what? Untimely death is such a subjective term. The only reason why we now consider it to be untimely is because we expect people to be alive tomorrow and the next day after that. The fact that death sometimes comes suddenly and unexpected only reflects our inability to have any foresight that resembles precognition-Oh, right, you believe in people who do have this ability but is provided by God, don't you? No wonder, you use terms like "untimely" as if they are meaningful. Think of it this way: Michael Jackson died at age 50. This is considered by many to be an untimely death, since if he kept healthy, and wasn't addicted to anti-depressants (or have a negligent personal doctor...) he would've possibly lived to at least 70 years of age. The average world human lifespan is 67.2 years of age. However, in Medieval Britain, the average lifespan was at least over 30 years (38-59 for aristocrats). It's only due to the advances of medicine, hygiene and technology that many of us even survive past childhood. Shoot, nearly a century ago, in the early part of the 20th Century, the average human lifespan was between 30-45 years. The medical and technological advances since then have increased the average human lifespan by 20 years. Of course, this probably disqualifies many of the figures in the list said to have "untimely deaths" by the standards of the early 20th century.
Make a personal reflection about this.....
Very interesting, read until the end.....
Actually, to be honest, it wasn't that interesting. Sorry. And yes, I did make personal reflection. I still don't consider the deity you pray to worthy of worship. Especially after this list...
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):
'Be not deceived; God is not mocked:
for whatsoever a man sow, that shall he also reap.'
Personally, I find it astounding that Yahweh is actually concerned by the comparatively tiny affairs of humanity. You claim he's omnipotent, and he gets offended by mocking!? Why? If I had that kind out of power, and existed beyond this realm, do you think I'd concern myself with the thoughts of creatures who are to me less in comparison than you are to a microbe? Yahweh sounds...insecure.
Here are some men and women who mocked God :
John Lennon (Singer):
Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he said:
'Christianity will end, it will disappear.
I do not have to argue about that. I am certain.
Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him' (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.
Interesting you should mention that, because that quote
wasn't a mockery of God at all. He was simply suggesting that in terms of influence, his band receives more attention than Christianity. In the UK. And judging by the fact that virtually no-one made a furor over it in the UK, it would seem he was right. During this interview, but it only became big news months later in August 1966, by some American radio show host, and then banning the Beatles' music in several states, encouraging teens to burn copies of the Beatles' albums, protests, and ensue massive hysteria, allowing this (over)reaction to spread top Mexico, and even South Africa. Lennon eventually (sorta) apologised for his remarks (not that he had to), and clarified them in full:
Lennon: I suppose if I had said television was more popular than Jesus, I would have gotten away with it, but I just happened to be talking to a friend and I used the words "Beatles" as a remote thing, not as what I think - as Beatles, as those other Beatles like other people see us. I just said "they" are having more influence on kids and things than anything else, including Jesus. But I said it in that way which is the wrong way.
Reporter: Some teenagers have repeated your statements - "I like the Beatles more than Jesus Christ." What do you think about that?
Lennon: Well, originally I pointed out that fact in reference to England. That we meant more to kids than Jesus did, or religion at that time. I wasn't knocking it or putting it down. I was just saying it as a fact and it's true more for England than here. I'm not saying that we're better or greater, or comparing us with Jesus Christ as a person or God as a thing or whatever it is. I just said what I said and it was wrong. Or it was taken wrong. And now it's all this.
Reporter: But are you prepared to apologise?
Lennon: I wasn't saying whatever they're saying I was saying. I'm sorry I said it really. I never meant it to be a lousy anti-religious thing. I apologise if that will make you happy. I still don't know quite what I've done. I've tried to tell you what I did do but if you want me to apologise, if that will make you happy, then OK, I'm sorry.
So as you can see, context is very important. I should also especially note that it was the Sixties i.e. a time of social unrest. However, in this case, the uproar was in my view, unwarranted. I find it amazing that the radio show hosts and any other influential figure that cried outrage thought it more important to use whatever influence they had to rally the youth into a frenzy over some perceived insult to the sky daddy they worship, instead of rallying them against the
real injustice against fellow human beings because of their skin colour. Talk about getting your priorities skewed:
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| No outrage neccessary, kids... |
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| Outrage necessary! He blasphemed against our God! You've got to get mad, kids! |
And to makes things worse, Christian spokesmen in the U.K. , believe it or not, actually sided with Lennon on this. Why you ask? Because they realised he was talking about the
decline of Christianity in the U.K., not his group's superiority to it. It's not even a big claim. It's an observation. Isn't that what you fundamentalists always talk about? How people and sometimes, yourselves, treat X more important than God? "We treat the Simpsons like it's more important than God!" "We treat the X Factor like it's more important than God!" "We treat Snoop Dogg like he's more important than God! And he sold his soul to the devil!" And it's funny when I point out that someone serious nutters targeted him like the Ku Klux Klan and Mark David Chapman, who actually killed him over this, what's the response? It's this No True Scotsman cop-out like, "Oh, they weren't Christians. Christians don't kill! They weren't true Christians!" Hypocrisy, much? But it's nice to know God's sense of justice is to use a mentally ill member of his flock to murder Lennon for such blasphemy...
Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil ):
During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency.
Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.
So God allowed him to win, and then kill him? Your God has a disturbing sense of humour. But let's observe this using, you know, rational and naturalistic explanations. Neves was an old man, around 71 at his death. He had a history of abdominal problems. He went through seven operations, and perhaps more to the point, he lasted a
month as President, not a day.
Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet):
During A show in Canecio ( Rio de Janeiro ),
while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:'God, that's for you.'
He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.
I'm curious as to how you can consider that to be disrespectful to God in
any way. Yes, he was addicted to smoking, but it's pretty obvious that he's showing his respect to God by doing that. He envisioned a concept or perception of God that would be satisfied with smoking. Just as you envisioned a concept of God that is wiling to smite someone over blowing tobacco smoke. Or perhaps God had no problem with the smoke. Perhaps he decided to kill him because he swings both ways, isn't it? If anything, no offence but I think you have a rather disturbing conception of a petty God, who would kill you over things that don't harm him but are harmful to you. Oh, and Cazuza died of AIDS, not lung cancer. Again, it goes back to God not being tolerant of sexual orientation other than heterosexuality, right?
The man who built the Titanic,
After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be.
With an ironic tone he said:
'Not even God can sink it'
The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic.
Agreed. God sure loves a challenge! It's too bad he had to allow children on board, and everyone else to drown just because of one man's blasphemous boast. But I suppose God loves killing people for other people's failings...even if they aren't failings, but stuff that personally offends him. Actually, what am I talking about? NO ONE EVER DESCRIBED THE TITANIC AS UNSINKABLE! THAT QUOTE IS COMPLETELY MADE UP, YOU JERKASS!!
Marilyn Monroe (Actress)
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show.
He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.
After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said:
'I don't need your Jesus'.
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment
I should note that Billy Graham, celebrated figure among the evangelist movement, has also been the centre of controversy for his anti-Semitic remarks in 2002, after the "Richard Nixon tapes" were declassified. Graham claimed that the Jews are in control of all American media, referring it to a "stranglehold".
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| "They're choking the life of honest, good Christian folk with the evil Satanic influence of the media!" |
It amuses me that this man is considered by a Gallup poll to place number 7 in "The Most Admired People in America". Personally, I would've thought a much more worthy and decent Christian would reach the list. In fact, I think this figure should be number 1. His name is Fred McFeely Rogers (If you don't know who he is and are asking if that's his actual name, the answer is yes):
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| The nicest man ever to grace the TV. But beneath the smile is...a heartwarming, doting parental figure. |
Also, I feel like noting that Marilyn Monroe converted to Judaism in the later years of her life. Considering Graham's remarks, I find all of this funny, although I doubt that Graham even said anti-Semitic claims to Monroe, that this conversation you're talking about happened or even that they met at all. Still, Graham claims he doesn't recall those remarks, and has apologised of being linked with them, anyway. But I suppose the likes of you wouldn't suspect Billy Graham to be an anti-Semite at all, do you? It's probably slander directed at him, right? Pretty much like this entire letter basically defecates on the dead on behalf of God.
Bon Scott (Singer)
The ex-vocalist of AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:
'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'.
On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.
OMG! He predicted his own death! And I thought Tupac originated that shit! He even told us where he's going to in the afterlife! Yeah, lets ignore the fact
he was a heavy drinker, and abused drugs. Let's ignore the fact that choking on your own vomit, often happens when you mix a cocktail of alcohol and drugs and sleep. Let's increase the tally points for Yahweh in his little hit-list, but still argue he's worthy of worship, because there's no way you can accuse him of being a psychotic, vindictive, petty
mass-murderer is there!?
Campinas (IN 2005)
In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend.....
The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car:
'My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.'
She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here.....It's Already Full '
Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died,
the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact.
The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken.
So, what's the moral of the story? God is usually found in car trunks to the faithful, and give his magic protection there if he finds you drink driving. In fact, he will not extend his protection at all. He'll only save those in the trunk if you say the magic words: "Only if He Travels in the Trunk, Cause Inside Here, It's Already Full." And like a genie, or Shen Long from Dragon Ball, he'll grant your deepest desire (e.g. save my life from drink-driving idiots). Oh, that's right...
this story is completely made up!
Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer)
said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.
In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.
To be honest, I have to disagree with the late Christine Hewitt's opinion on the Bible. Yes, it's filled with bullshit, but it's not the worst book ever written. But again, if that's God's response to negative opinions on the Bible, then that only indicates he's a bully, not a saviour.
Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.
Other than Krishna, Odin, Buddha, Zeus, Amaterasu, Ra, Haruhi...
Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.
Like Krishna...and L. Ron Hubbard....
'Jesus'
You are my 8 in 8 seconds. I am not breaking this. No way!
I'M TOLD THIS WORKS!!!!! Bishop T.D. Jakes '8 Second Prayer.' Just repeat this prayer and see how God moves!!
'Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen.'
So, it's about a call to T.D. Jakes' ministry. Sorry, but I'd have to say thanks, but no thanks. But you guys don't take no for answer, so here's my real response. It's in two parts: Firstly, I have a story of my own, and like yours, it's possible it isn't true, as it is after all, a rumour. But here it goes:
The mathematician and strident atheist G. H. Hardy was traveling across the ocean by boat, but beforehand, he sent a postcard claiming to his colleague Littlewood in Cambridge saying that he had proved the Riemann hypothesis. However, a massive storm ensued. Even so, Hardy arrived safely in England at which point he revealed that he hadn't really proved it, and had just blackmailed God by ensuring if the storm had killed him he would have become famous for dying before the proof was known (as Fermat was famous for himself with his last theorem) and thus God would have made His enemy famous.
And the second message to your followers, you apologists, and your God:
So, true believers, the moral of the story is
Batman God knows where you live. But if you're sick and tired of being told to do stupid things for his own satisfaction, if you're tired of being ruled by a passive-agressive overlord, if you're tired of many of his most obnoxious followers of being morally inconsistent, while self-righteously harping on about your defects and claiming you need this...psycho as your master, than metaphorically moon this undeserving deity for being a Peeping Tom and claim a superior way of life than provided by this cosmic bully. Good day, and don't do anything I wouldn't.
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| "That's for leaving me on the cross, asshole!" |
(To be continued....)
