Valentine's Day

If you've noticed that I didn't write "Happy Valentine's Day", but simply Valentine's Day instead, then how observant of you. This is because I don't care about Valentine's Day. And with all honesty, I'm curious as to why a holiday that allows you to be special to your significant other only once a year, deserves such warrant. It's rather reminiscent of Jeremih's "Birthday Sex". It's supposed to sound awesome, but it's not. as Todd In The Shadows said: "The only reason why 'Birthday Sex' would be so special, is if you were so bad at sex for the rest of the year!". Likewise with St. Valentine's Day. Come on! Seriously, folks. What was wrong with all the other days to show special affection? The anniversary of your relationship: Marriage or otherwise? (To be fair that might've been on Valentine's Day for some people), Your partner's birthday? (Again, might be on Valentine's Day) Special night out for being so special? Next thing you know, there'll be some R&B jackass signing "Valentine's Day Sex", or something, as if that has any special awesomeness to it. And thousands of teenage girls and boys will buy it like every other superficial, regurgitated commercial pop-crap they can't get enough of. But since I'm on the topic, I might as well explain where the (alleged) origins of the holiday came from:

The Legend of St. Valentine

According to medieval legend, St. Valentine was a Christian under persecution and interrogated by Emperor Claudius II of Rome in person. Claudius II or Claudius Gothicus was infamous for his penchant for cruelty, having rumoured to knocking out the teeth of a horse with one punch, and knocking out the teeth of his opponent when they grabbed his balls in (real) wrestling.And that's terrible. So, a cruel bastard like him interrogating someone would probably look something like a Roman-style Jack Bauer interrogation moment, or even Captain Vidal from Pan's Labyrinth. Claudius II was apparently impressed with Saint Valentine and tried to get him to convert to the Roman faith. St. Valentine refused, and instead tried to convert Claudius II into Christianity. For this, St. Valentine was executed by being beaten to death  with clubs, but not before healing (supernaturally, of course) the blind daughter of his jailer. Variations include St. Valentine being beheaded instead, and the jailer's blind daughter being St. Valentine's love interest, writing the first "valentine" card himself to her from prison before his execution, which read, "From your Valentine". Although no evidence for any saint named Valentine or Valentinus and a love letter existed.

The First Valentine's Day...sorta.

The first association of Valentine's Day with romantic love was in 1382 in Geoffrey Chaucer who wrote:

For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

(For this was sent on Valentine's Day; When every bird comes to meet his mate.)

The poem that Chaucer wrote was meant to honour the marriage between King Richard II of England to Queen Anne of Bohemia. The treaty providing for a marriage was done on 2 May, 1381, with them marrying eight months later. They were both 15. In 1797, the Young Man's Valentine's Writer was published in Britain, in which several suggestions of sentimental verses for the young lover unable to form his own. Printers had already begun a limited series of cards with verses and sketches called "mechanical valentines", and as postal  rates got cheaper, more of these valentines could be produced and, better yet, able to be exchanged anonymously. And so, a holiday initially based on the myth of a sacrificial love of a victim of religious oppression became this commercialised cheap concept of love, in which companies and businesses make millions in profits selling flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, cards, and other such crap under some pretense that true love is based on what you can buy them in mid-February. Pretty much like most Western holidays, actually:

Also, another interesting thing happened on the 14th February. No, not Salman Rushdie receiving his fatwa for writing the Satanic Verses (although that did happen). Ever hear of Al Capone?

A little conflict between his mob and the North Side Irish gang, led to five members of the latter, plus two non-members to be murdered within the garage of 2122 North Clark Street in the neighbourhood of Lincoln Park in Chicago. It is alleged that Al Capone ordered the hit on North Side gang members, and also that some of Capone's men and/or men that Capone hired from outside the city were responsible. Of course, "Stop Snitching" was already a burgeoning concept back then. When one of the dying men, Frank Gusenberg was asked who shot him, he replied "Nobody shot me"...even though he had 14 bullet wounds. So, if your significant other is into hip-hop, or quite fond of concepts and names being cheapened by commercialism, be sure to buy 50 Cent's Valentine's Day Massacre, for Valentine's Day. It'll be the most romantic thing ever.

"Oh, baby! This is the most romantic present ever!"

Have a great day, and try not to confuse any foreigner with the concept of "wuv".

(Sorry this took so long if you've already seen this,. Problems with the laptop)